Where to begin?

I should probably open up with something witty or inspiring? I don’t think that’s me, I’m awkward, say the most inappropriate things at the worst time.

Example? My mom was on her way to go to my grandmother’sĀ funeral. What do I proceed to say as she leaves? “Good luck!” Who says that? Besides the socially awkward me.

I don’t get out much. I stay home with my son, who loves to open the fridge and grab the condiments. “Just baby proof your fridge?” I’ve done that countless times.I’ve spent too much money on things that would “baby proof” but have only made things more difficult for me and somehow made my son into Houdini.

I’ve made some pretty stupid mistakes, I’ve fallen in love too quickly and I’ve taken forever to trust people. Good people because of the past clinging to me like the annoying smell of overpowering cologne.

Today let’s venture into one of the beginning ones. The one that started the downhill of everything…

 

So when I was younger, I fell in love. Quickly and rashly with a person I didn’t even know.

How did this happen? I use to be a gamer, playing them daily and almost never stopping. Then came someone different while playing a game called Call of Duty: Black Ops 2. Some guy came into my private lobby, started an argument with one of my Xbox ‘friends’ and caught my attention.

He went on a tangent about religion. How it was a lie, and so on. This caught my attention mostly because of where I came from. People didn’t speak against it, doubt it, they just agreed on it. Strong christian community. So when he comes in, starts arguing to my ‘friends’ then continued to spout lyrics from a very vocal and disturbing band called ‘Cradle of Filth’ Which I advise you not to look up unless you like weird and vulgar metal music. Please it’s beyond rated R…

Any who, I became interested. I talked to him for hours on ends, which was weird considering I did have a boyfriend at the time. I feel shallow for saying this, but I used him for the company. So then it became time to end it with my boyfriend at the time because I was quickly falling for someone else, this mysterious stranger online.

While the online guy helped me break up with my boyfriend at the time, I also fell even farther for him. Looking back at it though, it was convenient. I wasn’t falling in love with him, but the feeling of being in love. The attention I would get from him, the more we talked, the more I started to get attached to this sort of ‘high’ feeling.

This is a dangerous feeling. You think rashly and bold. It was a problem I ignored because I thought I was in love. Then became the time where we wanted to meet.

You’re always taught to always beware people online. People who are trying to do bad things to naive people. Luckily this isn’t one of those horror stories. Not this time. I must warn you though of the dangers of online dating and scams. Always be sure and take a rational look at it.No matter how much you think you love someone. Always be careful.

So eventually he got me a plane ticket, I flew down to meet him. Sometimes I look back and wonder, even though I said the words, did I mean it? I have a son thanks to that bold action but sometimes I wonder what it would be like if it didn’t happen.

If I didn’t fall in love with being in love.

Sincerely Honestly Confused and Amused.

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